The Point of Dew, or is it Do?

by Cynthia Rucryst

should be read with a slight southern accent! 

At the point of dew or is it do? At any point of anything there is the dew point, which is important to know about when discussing humidity. Humidity in the South is important, because it determines how much fannin’ one needs to do, or how much iced tea to make and how much conversation will center around humidity, how many times “Ohhh lawdy it’s humid” one can say in an afternoon. But hardly anyone talks about the dew point! Like a long forgotten cousin who lives, I hear tell, in the swamps with the gators and only a pirogue for transportation. 

Well, that dew point has so much more to do with how comfortable people are, how many lemons to squeeze into the iced tea or the lemonade. Or how much Bourbon Daddy left, from the night before, to make some Mint Juleps for neighbors who might drop by. The dew point is just the saturation point at which air would have to cool in order to reach said saturation. Well, that’s too complicated a science for most folks and saturation point to most is relative to how many times cousin Billy falls down compared to how much Bourbon he drank. So, sitting on a nice, shaded wrap around porch fannin’ ourselves and drinkin’ iced tea, from glasses so wet and cold you have to wipe your drinkin’ hand on your neck to cool off your neck, and hopefully the rest of you, and then, dry your hand a little so your glass won’t slip out of your hand and you drop your drink, wasting whatever precious cold liquid you have. I’d say the dew point of the drink in the wet glass has been reached—or is it the saturation point? 

Either way, a dip in the pond shaded by Spanish Moss covered Cypress trees would be nice depending on if you can walk to the pond, whether you had iced tea or Mint Juleps, and whether you believe ol’ cousin Arlo tells the truth about there not being any gators in the pond! Ducks are swimming around in it, now, so I guess you could say there might not be any. Aunt Eliza declines the offer every time and some cousins say it’s because she witnessed a childhood pet getting grabbed by some awfully big teeth one time while playing in the pond. She won’t talk about it, but it scared the dew outta her and she’ll only tell the rest of us to be careful and to wear tennis shoes. I guess she thinks the shoes will help somehow—make it easier to get out of the pond quicker? Harder for a gator to grab you? Or keep you from gettin’ bit by Fire Ants? Which is almost worse than a gator. And no tellin’ what’s on the pond bottom either—other kid’s shoes? But so far as we know, no one else has died in the Pond. 

Most of the ladies just wade in the shallows and splash each other, but the kids go at it full tilt, passin’ good time. They all go back onto the porch and don’t even dry off, cuz the breeze, even as dewy as it is, helps cool ‘em.

The dew point? Well, Hun, like I said, no one really cares, they’ve just learned how to survive it by talkin’ about the humidity all the while they fan themselves and carry on about Ms. Jackson down the road who had someone come and put in one of those air conditioners--so now she doesn’t come visit anymore and join in the conversation regardless of the dew point, or the do point and just sits in that big ol’ cool house all by herself and doesn’t even invite us over. But we probably wouldn’t go, anyway, because then we’d miss talkin’ about the humidity and our glasses would be dry on the outside and we’d miss lookin’ at the pond and seein’ the kids playing in it and exclaiming “Ohhhh lawdy it’s hot” a bunch of times. Well, and even cousin Billy would be lost with no one to keep track of his drinks or his falls. No one really cares about the dew point or the do point, it’s just humidity as far as anyone else is concerned and just sumthin’ ya learn to live with--as long as we have enough Bourbon and lemons, and the mint plant growin’ on the side of the house is watered, we’re happy as a bunch of ducks in the pond. HEYYYYY! Where’d that other duck run off to?

(c) 2015 ​Cynthia Rucryst​